to all my dear friends who have visited this blog expecting something new everytime,
and to those who have simply given up on finding something new.
it has truly been quite awhile since i last posted on this blog. when i visit other ppl's blogs, it has always been ta reminder that HEY, i have a blog too. but simply havent got the time, or energy to go and write somethign new, post pictures and all that stuff. army just fills me up. not that thats my only excuse, have found other ways in which to release my emotions, anger, sadness, joy, pain. whatever. not that im allowed to put up any pictures of me training anywhere too. get charged and pay fine and dumb stuff. security is a major issue in army. to the point of irritating actually.
my life hasnt been exciting, or fun-filled by any means. reminders of my past life ( RJ won A Div soccer title! ) have been popping up here and there, but my life as an instructor in Stagmont has been rather all-encompassing. i'd have to say. much time is just spent juggling army and church commitments, and leaving myself wondering at times just how much and why an NSF like myself should feel inwardly motivated and push myself to work beyond my obligations. professionalism is a word that i have learnt and begun to apply in my life nowadays, but it really really sucks. yeah. doing the RIGHT thing at the expense of the relative 'welfare' of others or my cadets. sometimes i just feel like taking it all in. like santosh used to say ' i'll be your target board. just shoot me ALL the arrows.' haha. but oh well. i've gotta learn to grow up i guess. my job involves actually DELEGATING work to subordinates, or tasking it down to the relevant ppl. making them earn their own pay. instead of me trying to do their job. my partner-in-crime told me that day that NSF officers are unpaid. i wouldn't say for all. but i feel that there should be an incentive for us to work this hard to push through a lot of things i guess. not just monetary yup. 'off? officers shouldnt ask for off.' dunno if its me. but there's just something wrong i guess. a man who works solely for the common good without personal motives can only last THAT long. that long.
ok enough complaining about my life at the moment=) just a recap of my life that i've been living. not so much so for those who come to read my blog, but for myself as well, when i ORD in a few months time i can just look back on this and think about how foolish and shortsighted and stupid i was as a 2LT serving my obligation. its bound to happen. i mean. i look back on ALL my life so far and feel that i have done so many stupid and wrong and dumb things before. but thats just all about life i guess. you learn from your own mistakes the best. the shit that you go through. ends up for good in the end.
it always does.
'trials dark on every hand
and we may not understand
all the ways that God will lead us
to that blessed Promised Land'
enlistment. recruit. cadet. officer.
the life of an NSF.
a signal officer.
i've been thrown down many times
trodden, beaten, and even stepped around
but somehow someway ther has always been a timely, helping hand
helping me to get back onto my feet again
it ain't fun scraping myself off the ground
but at least i ain't left there
flattened and forgotten all around
and for that i give thanks. ( my poetry cmi lar. haha )
2 Comments:
heyy dude.. haven't had a real chat with you for quite a while. stumbled upon da blog and you've updated!
well i guess the essence of NS, and especially as an officer, is really about service. people look at your pay and your power and your prestige and think you have no right to complain/be unhappy with the status quo. but there's much more to it. and there's a bit of bitter sweet irony to it when one of my officers at delta remarked that the best time of our lives is actually when we are cadets.
endure yeah! don't forget the lessons learnt. and the memories. see ya around.
stop being so lazy and update a bit more you lousy pokhead. you laopok kuku. hahahhaha. but at least you know you still have people reading your blog. sometimes. despite how little you blog. lousy. =p see you!
-alethia
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